I’m bored…
really bored. This is, quite possibly,
the explanation for why I am updating my Xanga for the second time in so short
an amount of time, which should be a record.
Anyway, so today I was going through my old Xangas and noticed that at
one point in time I got 28 eKudos in one entry.
ONE!! That’s ridiculous. That’s almost as many as my last 3 entries combined. Whoa!!
However, prepare for an epic.
This is it, folks. The entry. I don’t know if any of you have ever
experienced this sensation before but I am fully cognizant of the fact that I
am about to compose an entry that could change the history of the world as we
know it. And that is a heavy burden to
have on my shoulders. Whew. Give me a moment to take a breather
here. *inhales deeply* ………………. *exhales
deeply* (Repeat)
Anyway, as
I was saying before, if you have never had the experience of composing a
world-changing Xanga I suggest you find a way to do so as quickly as possible
as it is quite exhilarating. Stressful,
yes. But exhilarating.
So, in an
effort to remind you all that The Lion
King, although second, was a great movie, I shall make reference to it
quickly because, as I feared, that entry only received 8 eKudos, which I feel
is a darn shame. Simba deserves better
than that, as does Billy Shake. Do you
all remember the scene at the end of El
Rey Leon where Rafiki (the ninja monkey) is all like, “It is time,” and
it’s raining and Simba meanders out to the precipice of Pride Rock and roars
for all of the Pride Lands to hear? Then
all the Lionesses echo his roar with a uniquely combined sense of regret for
the past but simultaneous hope for the future.
Maybe only those of you who saw this film in the theatres will be able
to relate to me when I ask this but do you remember how glorious that scene
felt? How majestic? Try to stay with me here, but this feels
similar. I am quite literally roaring out
load at my keyboard… and it feels good, I mean, real good. Hey everyone,
come and see how good this feels!! And I
expect, after reading this, that you too shall roar in triumph and mourning as
we celebrate the announcement of the proverbial King of Disney movies (and,
yes, I did have to look up how to spell “proverbial” on Webster.com) whilst
jointly remembering those that were unable to attend the glorious celebration
because of ever so slight glitches in their plot… or because they were thrown
off a cliff into a herd of stampeding wildebeests while their sons look
helplessly on. Either way works. Whichever visual works better for you. The only differences here is I am in Ohio,
not Africa; it is not raining outside, but it is cold which I think generates a
similar effect; and I’m the one roaring but I’m not so much in the role of
Simba taking the position of King but more in the role of Rafiki, announcing
and preparing the way for the new King.
Other than that it is identical.
ROAR!!
And you
know those scenes in Monty Python and the
Holy Grail where a particular scene is kinda dragging on longer than it
really should and the camera will cut away to a group of people who shout in
unison, “Get on with it!!” Right now I
would imagine you guys are feeling like that.
So, without too much more delay, I shall, in fact, get on with it.
So, as you
have probably guessed by now, the number one Disney movie of all time is Aladdin.
But do you know why? Probably
not. Which is why I am about to tell
you, and the reasons are numerous.
Let’s start
with the leading stud-muffin, the film’s namesake, Aladdin. OK, let’s face it, the guy’s a beast; a true
diamond in the rough. Now, one could
content that he too possesses his own tragic flaw in his tendency to fib from
time to time. This may be but if he were
truly perfect we wouldn’t really have a story, and in the end we are able to
see him as a dynamic character who has changed for the better. This determination to correct the errors of
his ways is admirable. He shows himself
to be a man of action as he risks life and limb to rescue Abu and Carpet from
the frozen tundra. Where was Ariel when
Sebastien found himself in the clutches of the French chef? Dining with Prince What’s-his-face hoping
for a late night make-out session. “But
Alex,” you say, “When Eric realized he was making the mistake marrying Ursula
instead of Ariel didn’t he show himself to be a man of action by running her
through with a boat?” True, but let’s
not forget that up until this point, we barely even knew Eric. Besides, which is more epic? Stabbing an oversized octopus in the gut with
an old, old wooden ship, or the freakin’ sweet money jump onto the giant ruby
into the gem-slide, swipe the sword off the ground, leap into the air, and stab
giant snake-form Jafar in the side. Now,
one might contend that the final showdown in Beauty and the Beast can compete with this but let’s not forget
that Gaston was never given a chance to repent for his crimes. We’ll never get to see the film Beauty and the Beast 2: The Return of Gaston because Gaston was
carelessly flung from the rooftops whereas Aladdin was merciful enough to
contain Jafar’s powers so that he would have a chance to reform. And this, too, is why we love Aladdin. We love him for his mercy. He has no money for food so he risks his neck
to steal a loaf of bread and what does he do with it? He gives it to the orphan children. Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat,
otherwise we’d get along.
You can
also tell a lot about a man by the caliber of his friends. Think about it. Eric didn’t even have friends. Well, unless you count that creepy old
servant guy and he was worthless. One
thing we can say we like about Eric is he doesn’t seem to be too self-absorbed. But what does his creepy old servant guy buy
him for his birthday? A huge statue of
himself (which later gets blown up by Titan, which was awesome) so Eric’s one "friend" barely even knows him. Now Beast’s servants (and right off the bat
we start off on a sour note because they aren’t friends, they are servants) do
know him a little better. But what do
they know? They know he’s a
jerkface. One could content that they
are loyal, but why are they loyal? Two
reasons: The first being that the fear him.
They obey him out of fear of his wrath.
The second reason being that there is something in it for them. Unless they want to be
stoves/teacups/candlestick-holders/clocks for the rest of their existences,
they need to help this dude out because he is too much of a jerkface to help
himself out. Simba did have some good
friends. Nala, Zazu, Rafiki (the ninja
monkey)… all good friends. Timon and
Pumba started off with ulterior motives but I believe their true friendship is
demonstrated at the end when they show up to Pride Rock, dress in drag, and do
the hula to distract the hyenas. But remember, The Lion King was
only number two because of its stolen plot.
Now, Aladdin has some loyal friends.
Carpet only knew him for a few moments but was loyal enough to risk
thread and tassel to protect him from the collapsing Cave of Wonders. Abu is not only loyal and a good friend, he
follows Aladdin’s good leadership; when Aladdin gives up his loaf of bread, so
does Abu. Genie only has one spurt of
disloyalty and I hardly think that is fair given the whole “phenomenal cosmic
powers, itty-bitty living space” thing where he is mandated to obey whoever
rubs his lamp. And even then he
apologizes to Aladdin for what he is being forced to do.
The second reason
Aladdin is number one? Jasmine. OK, let’s forget for a moment that she is the
hottiest of all Disney hotties. Here we
have a strong leading lady. Jasmine is
no damsel in distress waiting to be rescued.
She wants to take part in Aladdin’s adventure. I mean, she freakin’ learned how to pole
vault in one try. Have you ever tried
pole vaulting? It’s freakin’ hard!! Now, while she can certainly keep up with
Aladdin, she does not overpower him. I
mean, if there were snow in Agraba, and Aladdin and Jasmine got in a snowball
fight, he would smoke her... er, “ice” her… or whatever you do to people in
snowball fights when you beat them.
I could go
on and on. The soundtrack, amazing. Robin Williams as genie, brilliant! Iago, Jafar, Raja… all great characters. The Special Edition 2-Disc DVD set of Aladdin is
some of the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan, on sale today,
come on down.
The number one Disney Movie of all time? Aladdin.
Things that are
awesome:
#33: New cleats.
Things that are not awesome:
#11: The matching blisters new cleats left on my
heels.
Quote of the Entry:
“Oh, nevermind. I
just answered my own question. He did
all that stuff to let the Israelites know I’m the Big G up in this Mutha.” -Jeff McCants
Sony lyric of the
entry:
“So now I run to you,
and I move from night to day,
for to live, I must die
and there’s still no other way.” -Paul Colman Trio
Random Thought of the
Entry:
The actual song I was listening to when I posted this was “Wild
Night” by John Cougar Mellencamp but it is off the album “Dance Naked” which
had a really messed up album cover I didn’t want to show on my Xanga, so I
showed the next song that played on my list.
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